The Relationship Repair Conflict Formula (RLT Model)

Alison Bannon
Apr 26
2 min read

Step 1: Own Your Part Fast

Instead of blaming, criticizing, or withdrawing, you pause and ask yourself:

“What am I doing right now that’s making this worse?”

In RLT, mutual ownership is key. Even if it feels like “it’s all their fault,” healthy repair starts when each partner claims their contribution without defensiveness.

Example:"I realize I’m raising my voice and shutting you down. That’s not okay."

Step 2: Shift from Complaint to Vulnerability

Instead of launching into “You always...” or “You never...”, speak from hurt or fear, not blame.

Use the Vulnerability Script:

“When [behavior] happens, -

A) State ONLY what you see (facts/ NO EMOTION)

B) Then say " this is the story that I am telling myself about this behaviour "

C) Then say, how you feel [emotions]

D) What you would like to see differently.

Example:

A) When I came into the room you did not acknowledge me at all

B) The story I make up about this is you do not care about me and are happy to ignore me

C) I feel hurt and insecure

D) Would you be willing to give me a hello or a hug when I come into your space?

This helps your partner hear you, not defend against you.

Step 3: Attune and Repair Immediately

Attunement means tuning into your partner’s emotional state with curiosity, not correction.

Use these repair statements:

“I hear you. That makes sense.”
“I didn’t realize that’s how you were feeling.”
“I’m here. I want to get through this with you.”

Step 4: Design the Future Together

Once both partners feel heard and repaired, create a small, specific agreement for next time.

Example:"Next time we feel things heating up, let’s call a 10-minute timeout and come back with vulnerability, not blame."

Small agreements build momentum toward long-term change.

Drop me a message to get the TIMEOUT CHEAT SHEET.

Special Considerations During Peri-Menopause

Name the hormone elephant in the room: It’s okay to say, “I’m feeling flooded and overwhelmed today—can we slow down?” or “My emotions feel bigger than usual right now, but I’m trying to stay connected to you.”
Give more grace, not less: This is not the time to expect "perfect communication." Expect bumps. What matters is how quickly you notice them and repair.
Invest in new tools: Many couples at midlife don’t realize they need updated relational skills to meet the new challenges of this stage. That’s why relationship coaching and RLT-based support can be transformational.

Final Thoughts

Peri-menopause can feel like an emotional earthquake in your relationship—but it doesn’t have to lead to disconnection.

With the Relationship Repair Conflict Formula, you and your partner can fight better, love deeper, and weather the changes together.

You don’t need to do this alone!

If you’re ready to learn these skills and rebuild your connection from the ground up, my Relationship Reset Program is designed for couples just like you.

Let’s turn the hardest conversations into your strongest moments.

👉 BOOK A FREE 45 MIN CALL WITH ME to find out more